Ever since I would write i've been putting my thoughts down on paper, making stories, poems, drawings about things that inspired me, and I have learnt a lot since then.

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I grew up in a Christian household, both of my parents didn't have that experience, they found God on their own and my mum brought her whole family to faith when she was a young adult, which is pretty awesome.

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Looking back on moving to secondary school, I suddenly felt as though I didn't fit in anywhere. I defended my faith, refusing to go with the crowd, but over the years, as my school life grew, my faith faded. It was after I had been baptised at 13 that I began to give into peer pressure, and where before I wasn't bothered about boys, make-up and clothes, they suddenly became the centre of my attention. Deep down I knew this wasn't a good way to live, but I desperately wanted to fit in. My school years were hard, I was bullied at school and severely bullied online. I turned to all the wrong things to help me through this, and away from God through school and College. I stopped going to church when I was 16, feeling completely out of place there.

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At 17 I fell very poorly with no idea what was wrong. I lost a quarter of my body weight within 2 weeks and was very weak, I could barely walk. I managed to get to see a Senior Consultant, who I recognised as someone who went to the church I grew up in. He diagnosed me with Ulcerative Colitis, a life-long autoimmune disease. Over the next 4 years all the hospitals efforts to control the disease failed, I was very poorly and spent a lot of time in hospital, having to set-aside my College education. During this time I began exploring faith again, I had been dating a non-Christian for a few years, and he encouraged me to go to Church. Not long after exploring church again I was booked into emergency surgery and told by my Consultant that I'd end up with an ileostomy bag. Thankfully, because of my Consultant's faith and the church praying for me,  my body began to stabilise and, with medication, eventually fell into remission for the very first time. It was a miracle! I have been in remission for 6 years now.

 

From there I began stumbling after Jesus. It took a lot of work to begin transforming into a better person, but with God's help He totally transformed my mind. In Romans 12:2 the Bible tells us not to conform to the pattern of this world, but to be transformed by the renewing of our mind. God gently led me to break up with my non-Christian boyfriend, but when I did, for the first time my parents were talking about divorce, and I hit the worst season of mental health in my life and made some terrible decisions. It was only when I really hit rock bottom that I began to learn what it means to lean on God. I learnt that I couldn't place my faith in people, not even myself, and God was the only place I could find security and freedom from shame. Through the next season a relationship with God began to really feel like my sanctuary, my Father, who was always there for me when no one else was and no matter how many times I messed up.

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I found a church that really felt like home and have began to grow my faith, finding other Christian women to partner with on that journey. By this time I had been given two prophesies about preaching, which sounded so bizarre to me, as I am much better at writing than speaking. But God kept nudging me, he put a word on my mind, "imitation". During lockdown living with my family, some thoughts about imitation began to form, so, in 2020 I began building this website, writing and videoing my first blog, speaking my thoughts for the first time. I then bought my house and moved in on my own. It was pretty lonely, but I really knew God was with me, it felt like it was just me and Him against the world. It was at that point that I published my first blog, in 2021. 

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My journey continues, and I still mess up, but I feel like a totally different person than I was a few years ago. God is the centre of my life and I am also so grateful to be able to set myself physical challenges to take care of my body now that I am well.

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This blog is an outlet, to share some of the things God has taught me. I'm so happy you're here no matter where you're at. Romans 8:28 says in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to His purpose. I hope my experiences can be used for good, and that I may perhaps meet you in your shame, suffering and struggles, and help you to grow in faith.

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